It's the last week. I didn't think it mattered.

Enjoy your time in the employment exchange!

I fell over on the ice and got concussed

That's the third time this month. It's not even icy at the moment. I think the Guiness Book of Records should be notified about this guy!

I'm sorry I was late, I was sitting with my Gran waiting for her carer

18 months and he's never once got to class on time. Why bother with excuses now?

My train went the wrong way

Wasn't your train then was it?

It seemed pointless to just come in for one day

Yes, well, you should have been in for more anyway!

College is closed due to the snow

Fair point - you've got me there!

A conversation between two students in the lift this morning:

There was a lot of snow overnight, therefore students were sparse in college. Two of them however braved the weather and gave me a great jolly along in the lift:

Student 1: "I'm the only one in today"
Student 2: "Yes, so am I"

What logic, and, oh! I must have been invisible!!

I've been coughing all morning, so I'm off to A&E

Sounds serious!? They probably made him sit coughing for another eight hours in the waiting room before someone told him he had a cough!

If I promise to come in every day next week, can I take tomorrow off?

I know there's logic in there somewhere, but I'm not sure I can find it.

I stood on my hair straighteners

Poor old Craig. He'll be hot to trot for a while!

Why do we have to learn so much?

This was a question asked by one of my stroppiest students. He had no idea how ridiculous he was being!

I'm not sure I'm on the right course

Thank God I'm not a teenager anymore! This young man doesn't know what he wants to do or how to go about no doing it. I hope our little chat helped him to uncloud his mind a bit.

It was sooo windy I couldn't keep my coat on

This has got to be the lamest excuse I've ever heard!

Nobody told me I had to do any work.

Bless you Jamie, you may have realised that nobody's going to do your study for you, but maybe if you get a job somebody might just do all of your work because you don't know how. Anybody think he'll drop lucky?

Can I go home? I feel sick and I'm going out tonight.

I think the manufactured vacant expression on my face probably answered that one!

Do I need to come in next week?

No, it's only the first week of term. You'll only miss the introductions to all of your second year units!! Was I this bad at that age? Probably!! :o)

I'm on holiday after we come back

One of my returners has booked a fortnight's holiday during the second and third weeks of term. Genius! He'll get off to a cracking start to a year of panicked catch-up.

When do we come back after summer?

Erm, you don't. You've graduated. Although I don't know how!!!

I haven't had a day off in ages

Oh, that's OK then!

Can I drop Concept Art?

After seven months, this fellow's decided he wants to drop a unit because he doesn't like it. There's only a month left. WHY?

I'm stuck in Spain

Thanks to the Icelandic volcano, this is the fate of many! Unfortunately, I remember this student telling me that he was going for a week at the beginning of the two week break, so he was due back a week prior to the eruption. Naughty boy!!

I didn't know we were on holiday

This is a new one - a student comes in and complains because he wants to do some work and can't as college is shut. Perhaps if he came in when he was supposed to, he might have known we were on holiday!

Not really an excuse...

...but one of my students said two things today that caught my ear.

Thing one: "Does anyone want to buy a turtle?"
Thing two: "Who stole my trampoline?"

I mean, what can you say???

I was locked in my house and had to climb out of the window

You couldn't make them up could you?

Code Red

Now, I just think the guy's stuck in an Xbox 360 game loop. We'll be having a chat!!!

My son was puking all night

OK, OK, so this was me :o) and it was genuine!!

can you give me a pass for the year coz I want to leave?

If he'd ever handed in any work, well we might be able to come to some arrangement!

I fell down the bus steps and it took me ages to limp in

This is a beauty from this morning. He assured me that he has a huge bruise on his backside, and asked if I wanted to see it as proof! Genius!! I declined. His limp is a little intermittent, but he's kept it up for over an hour now :o)

Got sooo drunk last night, I was still wasted this morning!!

At least he's over eighteen!!

I was painting my room until 4:30 this morning

The paint was on the hands to prove it...

Why haven't I got my EMA?

An eligable student can claim Educational Maintenance Allowance if they attend all classes and adhere to deadlines. This student's attendance rates at less than 50% and he hasn't handed in any of his work. I despair!!

I didn't want to come in

Honest!

Sorry I just got up because I have a cold from falling into Leeds and Liverpool canal yesterday, so I'm not going to be in today

This one's hot off the press! The probability of this actually being true is quite high, as this student is, well, shall we say 'a strong candidate for such an occurance'! The fact that all classes have been cancelled today due to the extreme weather seems to have passed him by. Maybe he should show up to college a little more regularly and then he may have known!!!

I didn't know what date we were back after Christmas...

...so you didn't bother trying to find out?

It was Snowing

Too many students used this one; even the ones that had a fifth of the distance to travel in that I did!